![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]()
It all started in a little town in Jersey. My days were filled with
the smells of petrochemicals and big fat guys named Paulie slapping me
on the back and laughing in that deep, gravely voice that you only get
from smoking three packs a day. Dad worked at a factory that made rubber
platypuses (or is that platapi?). He ran the beak mold. Sometimes,
for a laugh, he'd hang a beak out of his fly and tell everyone that that's
where the wild life was! Mom was a commercial fisherman who thought she
was Captain Blackbeard. She'd go to work with an eye patch on and wedge
her foot into a funnel to look like a peg-leg. She'd wander around the
house on weekends smelling of fish, and saying things like "Harrrr!", and
"Blye me!". But she had a soft side to her too. She used to hang us kids
by our ankles and hose us down with goose fat. Ahh, the days of childhood
are gone, but the memories are a treasure to last forever. But it was time
to let all that go and grow up.
We came to Maryland because we heard that it smelled better. But when we
got here it really wasn't any better. The smells of livestock and fertilized
corn fields filled the air in Harford County, and I wondered how anyone
could stand such a stench. I longed for the familiar smells of home.
Sometimes when I got really homesick, I'd pack a lunch and grab my towel
and a big umbrella and head for the waste water plant and drench myself in a
little slice of Heaven. Basking next to the grey water sure took me back a few
years. Sometimes I'd even get a little misty as thoughts of my homeland danced
in my head. It was tough letting go but eventually I adjusted to my new
surroundings. I became a street performer in Fells Point, juggling as many as
five wharf rats at a time while riding a unicycle. The rats were heavy, and as
a result I threw out my shoulder, and my nuts hurt from riding the unicycle on
the cobblestones so I looked for something different. One day on my way home
from Fells Point, I grabbed a scrap of cardboard out of a dumpster to shield
myself from the rain that had just begun. As I was waiting to cross the
street, some idiot stopped and gave me some change. I thought, "Hey, there
is opportunity here." So I just stayed on the corner and wandered around
trying to look pathetic. After a few hours had past, I had a sizeable wad
of money. Thus, the family business was born. Even today, you can see many
"Johnny-come-latelys"
capitalizing on my idea. I should have put a patent on that one!
Today, I have a staff of employees working intersections so I can pretty
much take it easy. It's a modest living, but it affords me the time to hang
out with the guys in
|
![]() Garner with guitar god Steve Morse |
![]() Garner with drummer Rod Morgenstein |
![]() Garner working on a vocal track in Los Angeles |
![]() Garner playing drums for Big Phredd and the Speds |