I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You will ever be

Today I did sniff
Many dog behinds - I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paper boy - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and go weep

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic, I
Have made a puddle

I hate my choke chain.
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack!
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
Maybe catching rats

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love as much as I

The cat is not all
Bad - she fills the litter box
With these Tootsie Rolls

Dig under fence - why?
Because it's there. That is why.
Because it is there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

My owners' mood is
Romantic - I lie near their feet.
I fart a big one.