- It bugs me that when you pre-pay at the gas pump, it takes
just as long for the last ten cents of gas to dribble out
of the nozzle as the first twenty dollars worth did.
- I absolutely hate left-side exits and merges. The left-most
lane is full of NASCAR wannabes driving at speeds of 80 mph
or higher. I avoid that lane like the plague, but left-side
exits force me to venture into the domain of the "80+mph Club",
who don't seem to understand why "idiots" like me are intruding
into their lane and then having the gaul to slow down when
our exit ramp approaches! They violently weave around me, speeding
by and shaking angry fists at me while cursing my name. And
Heaven help you if you ever must enter the interstate
highway from the left side! Most of the ramps I've been on
usually have a top safe speed of 45mph, assuming you want to avoid
hearing your tires squeal or having your car flip over. So
basically, you are going about 45mph, and then being forced to
merge into a lane where drivers are whizzing by at a brisk 80mph,
looking for any excuse to prevent you from using their lane.
- Okay, you're driving down a two lane road, and you see a sign
saying that the right lane is closed 1,500 yards ahead. The
logical thing to do would be to start merging over into the
left hand lane. But noooooooooo. You have these jokers who
stay in the right hand lane until the last possible minute,
and then cut into the open lane suddenly, forcing those of us
who had the foresight to already change lanes to hit the brakes, slowing
down traffic even more.
- What is it with people not wanting to use their turn signal
blinkers?? I can't tell you how many times I've waited to
pull out because of an oncoming car to my left, only to have
the knuckle-head slow down and turn without using the turn
signal. Then you have the opposite of the spectrum, with
people driving down the interstate oblivious to the fact that
their turn signal is on, when they have absolutely no intent
in changing lanes at all. Maybe they have the radio on too loud,
and can't hearing the soft clicking of their signal. Maybe
they're too busy talking on their cell phone. Maybe they're idiots.
- Why do people think that a "SPEED LIMIT 65" sign means that 65mph
is the minimum speed that
you must drive? I'm driving on the interstate in the rightmost
lane, doing the speed limit of 65, not even thinking about
venturing into the other lanes that contain cars driving at
Autobahn speeds. So why do I consistantly get people behind
me riding my bumper, angrily passing me at the earliest
possibility? I've even had people honk their horn and flash
their lights at me, as if I'm some Amish buggy creeping along
at glacial speed. It's not like I'm clogging up the other two
or three lanes, where cars drive so fast they would be airborne
if they had wings. I'm driving at what is supposed to be the
maximum speed allowed, in the rightmost lane, and that's still
not fast enough for them.
- I especially love those drivers who are burning rubber in the leftmost
lane, and then cut across four lanes of traffic at the last minute in
order to catch an exit they were about to miss.
- People must honestly think they are the most important people
on the road. They seriously must think they are gods of their
own little automotive universe. Let's say Joe Driver pulls up
to a traffic light and gets in the left-turn only lane. It
suddenly dawns on him that he isn't supposed to turn here. He
meant to go straight through the light instead of turning left.
So, the left-turn arrow turns green, and what does our hero do?
Does he go ahead and make the unwanted left hand turn, turn
around at the nearest opportunity, and proceed to get back on
the road in the proper direction?? Perish
the thought! Don't you know that Joe Driver is THE single most
important driver in the entire world? He simply turns his right-hand
blinker on, and waits for the straight-through light to turn green.
Never mind the fact that there are drivers behind him that actually
do want to turn left. Joe wants to go straight, not left; so
screw the rest of you peons. They honk and swear, but Joe is sovereign.
His will be done. Of course, when the straight-through
drivers get their green light, they aren't expecting anyone in the
left-turn lane to want to go straight. Why should they?? But Joe
can't understand why they are so irate at him when he pulls out
and cuts them off. What an imbecile.
- I seriously think the goal of most drivers out there is to get
from Point A to Point B in the shortest amount of time possible.
They must keep daily logs of their travel times, and constantly
attempt to improve their record. They dodge in and out of traffic,
always disatisfied with the speed of the lane they are currently in.
- Hey, I understand that there are people out there who like to
smoke cigarettes. Smoke in your car all you want. I don't care.
But I do care when you throw your cigarette butt out the window,
as if the Earth was your own private trashcan. I'll be sitting
at a traffic light or driving down the interstate, and sure enough,
some bozo will toss their
still lit cigarette stub onto the road or grass. Mark my words: one
of these days, I'm going to get out of my car, pick up that
stub, and shove it up their left nostril.
- I can't stand driving on grooved roads.
I swear, there must be one guy out there whose sole job is to
drive around and put grooves in as many roads as he can. You
knows the grooves I'm talking about -- the road scoring that
is done in preparation for adding a new layer of blacktop.
The asphalt people simply can't keep up with him, because I've
seen grooved roads sit for months upon months before they were
finally blacktopped. And usually the road that was scored
was in fine shape to begin with!
- What is it with interstate drivers who stubbornly stay in the
left-most lane driving 60mph (or less)? The speed limit is 65, I wanna get
home, and I'm doing at least 70. I practically ram into them from
behind, flash my lights, ride their bumper, but do they get over?
Nooooooooooo. They are determined to be the official speed governor
of the highways. Hey moron, here's a clue: if people are constantly passing
you on the right, then you are probably in the wrong lane.
Here's a cool idea of mine...
Pass a law requiring all cars to have an unremovable "black box"
embedded deep within its metal bowels. Make it a major felony to remove
or tamper with this box. This box is wired directly to the car's
speedometer. In addition, it contains a GPS device and a transmitter.
Every five or ten seconds, this box sends the car's speed and positional
information to a central police computer server. Officers can query
this data, with requests such as "What is the location of a car with
VIN 1G3MF43W83M483064" or "Show me every car currently in Howard
County that has been travelling over 75mph for the past minute."
We already have traffic light cameras taking pictures of car that run
red lights, and sending tickets in the mail to the driver. Let's face
it; cops can't be everywhere. And I'd rather have more of them available
out there stopping criminals and drug dealers, than sitting parked off
the interstate with a radar gun, trying to fill their speeding ticket
quota for the day. So give the fuzz the ability to track speeding
vehicles from afar.
If you wanted to get really high-tech, you could give the police the ability
to send a signal to a specific vehicle, which would disable it.
Just think, dangerous high speed chases would be no more. As soon
as the cops realize that O.J.'s truck isn't stopping, they just press
a button, and presto! the accelerator is deactivated, and the vehicle
slows to a easy stop. Of course, a negative effect of this technology
would be that there would be no more "America's Scariest Chase Videos".